


and I fell heavy into your arms

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Meetings, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23358427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Yuzuru runs to the station, determined not to let love get away.(a companion piece to 'Dear Javi/Dear Yuzu')
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 11
Kudos: 97





	and I fell heavy into your arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [estriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/gifts).



> This is a happy birthday gift to one of the nicest, kindest and most talented people I know. Thank you for being you and for sharing your beautiful works with us <3
> 
> Title from 'I will wait' by Mumford & Sons. I hope you enjoy!

_there is a train that departs at 7.40pm so you still have time to decide if you really want to throw months of friendship into trash_

"I'm sorry, sorry, excuse me-" Yuzuru muttered frantically, almost choking on the words "I'm sorry, excuse me, I'm-"

People grumbled and hissed, looking at him darkly, but Yuzuru didn't care, and he kept on making his way through the crowd, not listening to the annoyed grunts and voices telling him to be careful and slow down.

"Excuse me, excuse me." he repeated mindlessly, like a robot, until he finally reached the surface, and he looked around wildly, confused and lost, the pavement as crowded as the metro station was, and he wanted to scream, because what he was supposed to do, he was supposed to take a bus now, right? But which one, and what time was it? He took his phone out and almost dropped it, letting out a pained whine when he saw that it was so late, what if it was too late already?

Yuzuru let out a quiet sniffle, his fingers moving stiffly as he opened his maps application, trying to breathe. He didn't have to take a bus, he could go by foot, ten minutes walk but he could make it faster, he knew it. He put the phone back to his pocket and run, ignoring burning in his legs and in his lungs, and he knew he would feel it the next day, but he didn't care.

_i'm scared_

_you should tell him that_

Yuzuru had no idea what had gotten into him earlier. No, that wasn't the truth, he knew exactly what it was, and he felt ashamed for giving into it, letting doubts creep into his mind and take it over completely, destroying one of the most important things in his life.

What if he wouldn't make it? What if Javi was too hurt and was going to leave, and Yuzuru was never going to see him?

Yuzuru had to stop, pressure in his chest too tight, and he inhaled through his mouth, greedy and wheezing. A girl passing him by threw him an odd glance, and Yuzuru knew he must have looked like a mess, in his worst sweatpants and worn out t-shirt, clothes he had been wearing while curled in his bed and trembling as he was taking some of the worst decisions in his life.

He had no energy to run anymore but he still moved, walking as fast as he could, and then there it was, the station, and his heart stuttered, fast and painful as he took his phone again, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

_i'm sorry_

_don't get on that train, please, ill be there soon_

Nine minutes, he had nine minutes, it was going to be okay.

His thoughts were frantic, and he knew he had to move, but then he was inside the building and suddenly he was squeezed in the middle of the crowd again, people rushing into every direction, loud announcements coming through the speakers every moment and it was too much, and Yuzuru stopped abruptly, overwhelmed, exhausted and lost. It was too loud and too hot, and suddenly Yuzuru felt like he was about to collapse, swaying on his feet, and it took effort, to force his legs to move, and he took slow, heavy steps, reaching for his phone again.

_i panicked ok? Cause you're not supposed to fall in love with someone you never met and i'm terrified, just please wait for me_

He stared at the screen, dark, no new message appearing.

He hadn't even thought it through, just wrote everything his head was filled with, and now, looking at those messy, hysterical words, he saw his whole heart out there, bare and vulnerable and completely in Javi's hands.

Steady voice announced through the megaphone that the 7.40pm train was about to depart and Yuzuru felt like something inside him cracked, shifting and digging painfully in his already aching heart and lungs.

_i think you turned your phone off_

-he typed slowly, the screen turning blurry as his eyes filled with tears again, and he tried to blink them away as he forced his fingers to cooperate

_text me later so I know you're okay_

_i hope you'll forgive me_

Javi was forgiving, a part of Yuzuru's mind clinged to that thought. Javi was forigiving and kind, so maybe he would come back the next day, but what was the point, really, when Yuzuru had hurt him so bad with his idiotic behaviour.

And now we also confessed his stupid feelings, something he still didn't understand himself, and he just knew that everything was broken beoynd repair now.

_and i still have your stupid book_

Seriously, it was all because of that stupid thing that Yuzuru had almost grown to like, it was all about stupid love stories that didn't have a chance to happen in real life. Because in real life sometimes there wasn't second chances and sometimes people messed up too much to end in a happy ever after.

Yuzuru couldn't see anything at that point, and he wasn't even sure where he was, so he stopped close to a wall plastered with some colorful posters, and tried to wipe his eyes, but stupid tears didn't want to stop on falling and honestly, Yuzuru didn't even care that he was basically falling apart for the whole damn city to see.

It hurt too damn much, and he had no idea how to find energy to go, to get back to his room that was still unfamiliar and strange, and didn’t offer him any comfort. 

His phone buzzed, and he almost didn’t want to check it, convinced that it wa Saya asking what was going on, and he didn’t have enough strength to talk to her now. But she was his sister, and she was probably worried, so Yuzuru blinked the tears away, sniffling so loudly the lady passing him by gave him a puzzled glance, looking as if she would stop to check on him if she wasn’t in such clear hurry. 

He swallowed hard, looking at the bright screen, and then everything froze for a second.

_turn around_

His heart stopped for a moment, and then started pounding so fast he thought he was going to faint, for a moment. And then, he took a deep, shay breath- and turned around.

He was standing maybe two metres away, dressed in jeans and simple blue t-shirt that seemed to be made to compliment his tanned skin. His smile was small, almost shy, and he was just staring, with his arms hanging and palms turned to Yuzuru, as if inviting him for a hug. 

And that was exactly what Yuzuru did. 

The first touch of Javi’s skin against his felt like coming home, and Yuzuru’s whole body trembled, as if still catching up with reality. He experienced so many emotions during the past minutes that now his head was spinning, adrenaline dropping and his body turning weak, knees going wobbly. Javi whispered something, Yuzuru couldn’t understand what, blood pulsing in his ears, and he only clinged harder to Javi’s shoulders, nose brushing against soft skin of his collarbone, and Javi said something again, wrapping his arms around Yuzuru securely. 

For a moment, they didn’t say anything. Or no, Javi was saying something, really quietly, as if more to himself, but Yuzuru couldn’t focus on that, too busy trying to get his breathing under control. He could hear Javi’s heartbeat, though, strong and quick, echoing somewhere close to his ear. 

He was real. It was happening. 

“You’re here.”

Yuzuru didn’t realize he said it out loud until he heard Javi’s chuckle, warm and quit, just like Yuzuru had imagined it would sound. Javi moved one of his hands to Yuzuru’s nape, gently forcing him to draw back, only a little, before taking Yuzuru’s face in his hands. 

Now, when Yuzuru had a good chance to look at Javi, and from so up close, his knees got wobbly again, because now he could really see it, he saw in him that person who had sent him dozens of emails, who showed him so much kindness and understanding. And there he was, handsome and charming, with eyes shining and hair curling softly over his forehead, and suddenly Yuzuru realized how much of the mess he was, with red eyes and unhealthy blush on his face, his clothes sticking to his sweaty skin, a true and utter disaster. But for some reason Javi was looking at him with so much affection Yuzuru’s breathing hitched, and he almost felt like crying again, because it was too much, and he was too dizzy and too exhausted to act properly.

“I’m sorry.” he said, his voice sounding crackly and ugly “I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s okay.” Javi smiled, thumbs wiping the trace of tears from his face “We’re here now. This-” he clearly wanted to say something more but he decided against it, shaking his head a little and then leaning forward, resting his forehead against Yuzuru’s. 

Yuzuru still felt like he should apologize, but he knew Javi wouldn’t like it, he never did. They would have to go somewhere soon, talk, explain. But for now, Yuzuru felt perfectly safe there, in the middle of the crowd, with Javi’s breath fanning against his chin and lips, with his hands holding him gently and silently speaking of forgiveness and second chances. 

* * *

  
  


They didn’t talk much on the way to Yuzuru’s place. 

Yuzuru was still too overwhelmed and Javi didn’t push, just kept on holding his hand as Yuzuru was slowly leading them through the crowded pavements and underground. 

The feeling of surreality was fading away more and more with every moment, and by the time they entered Yuzuru’s tiny apartment, he was in a desperate need to be alone for a second and collect his thoughts properly. 

“I will, uh, take a shower, okay?” he said, blushing for some reason “Ten minutes?”

“Sure.” Javi smiled “Can I snatch something to drink, water or anything?”

“Yeah, yes, feel at home.” Yuzuru nodded before jumping into the bathroom. He leaned against the door and pressed his hand to his chest, feeling his strong, erratic heartbeat. 

He took a few deep, slow breaths, and then, surprising even himself- he laughed. A little, quiet, happy sound, filling his whole body with a million of tickling bubbles, making him feel giddy. 

He took a quick shower in a lukewarm water and brushed his teeth, and spent pointless two minutes on trying to comb his damp hair until he gave up. 

His apartment was small, there was a bathroom, really tiny kitchen and kind of spacious bedroom, and that was where he found Javi, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking through the window. He seemed to be fitting there so well, in Yuzuru's space, bathed in the soft dim light of summer evening. Yuzuru watched him for a moment, standing by the door quietly, feeling his heart grow and flutter. 

"I can hear you staring, you know." Javi said before turning around, a big smile on his face, and Yuzuru looked down for a second, mildly embarrassed. But then he looked up again, right into Javi's eyes, and everything shifted into the right place, as if they put down the last piece of puzzle between them. 

"I, hm, prepared something." Javi said, breaking the silence, still smiling as he pointed Yuzuru's desk "Just some water with lemon and mint, I hope you don't mind. You looked pretty… dehydrated." 

"Yeah." Yuzuru breathed out, taking a step forward, and then another, and then he was in Javi's arms again, hiding his face in the already familiar curve of Javi's neck. 

Javi laughed shortly, one arm wrapping around Yuzuru's waist, the other burying in his hair, stroking gently, and Yuzuru sighed contentedly, closing his eyes for a moment. 

"It's a bit funny, don't you think?" Javi asked quietly "It's you, and me, and we're here for real?" 

"Yeah." Yuzuru whispered, his lips brushing warm skin of Javi's neck "Javi, I'm so sorry-" 

"Shhhh, we don't do this." Javi said, cradling Yuzuru's head gently "I was angry for maybe ten minutes, and it wasn't even… I get it, Yuzu. It's scary. I was scared too, and it's okay. We're here now and we're fine."

Yuzuru wanted to tell him that he didn't deserve him, really, but he bit his tongue, knowing that expressing his low self esteem would only upset Javi, so instead he forced himself to pull back a little, looking at Javi's face, handsome and smiling. 

"You should really drink something." Javi said softly, touching Yuzuru's lips tenderly, and only now Yuzuru realized that his mouth was truly dry and rough, and it was miracle his skin didn't crack yet. 

After drinking two and a half glasses of water they simple settled down in the bed, with Javi on his back and Yuzuru pressed against his side, with his head on Javi's shoulder. It felt natural and comfortable, their bodies molding against each other. Javi almost immediately launched into a story about his flight, and it somehow turned into something akin to a horror story, with crying children and not enough space for legs. Yuzuru laughed, his fingers curling on Javi's shirt loosely, and it all felt so perfectly calm, just like it should be. Javi had a nice voice, a tad too high sometimes but pleasant, with an accent that for some reason was making him even more attractive. 

Yuzuru didn't want to overcomplicate things, he didn't want to talk about feelings and fears. For now, he just wanted to have Javi close and talk about terrible flights they had been on. 

It was easy, just like writing emails but still better, because now Yuzuru could see the way Javi's mouth twitched when he was about to tell a joke, or how his smile was radiating that special kind of warmth that seemed to be seeping straight to Yuzuru's soul. 

Yuzuru let himself bask in that feeling of comfort and safety, ignoring the world and passage of time, until suddenly he heard some annoying buzzing and Javi sighed, rubbing Yuzuru’s shoulder apologetically. 

“Sorry, I will just check it?”

“Yeah, of course.” Yuzuru said, not really changing his position, only shifting a little so he could see Javi’s face better “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just my friend asking me if I’m coming back today.” Javi chuckled, for the first time looking kind of embarrassed, and Yuzuru gaped, because he realized that it was after 10pm and he had no idea where all that time had gone. 

“So, I know this is kinda weird to ask-”

“Don’t go.” Yuzuru said, interrupting Javi’s sentence in the middle “It’s late. And I don’t- I don’t want you to go.”

That was a bit bold thing to say, but Javi only chuckled, sending him a fond glance before going back to his phone, and Yuzuru used that moment to quickly message Saya too before turning the thing off and dropping it on the bedside table.

It felt almost as if they existed out of the loop of time, in their own little universe, where every second felt like a small eternity, and Yuzuru still felt like it wasn’t enough. And when his eyelids started getting heavy with everything what had happened, he almost panicked for a second, old anxiety trying to make its way to the surface, but in that exact moment Javi’s arms around him tightened a little, grounding him. 

"We have so much talking to do." Javi said quietly, his lips brushing Yuzuru's forehead oh so lightly "But for now, can I just hold you?"

"Yes." Yuzuru mumbled, his voice tight "I-" 

"Hmm?" 

“I vote yes for cuddling.” Yuzuru said in the end and Javi nodded, his hands stilling for a moment before sliding to cup Yuzuru’s face, tipping it gently so they could now look at each other properly from up close. It was late and the light filling the room was dim and grey, but Yuzuru could still see Javi’s face so well, his features and smile and dark eyes that was making his heart skip.

“You’re safe with me, you know that, right?”

“I know.” Yuzuru mumbled, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Javi’s cheek “I always knew.”

Even when he had been curled in his bed, writing Javi that he didn’t want to see him- he was never afraid of Javi. He was afraid of disappointment, of jumping into the unknown and risking everything known and comfortable for something that could be beautiful but could also end up in a disaster. But now, safe and warm i Javi’s embrace, with so many words dancing on the tip of his tongue- he would say them out loud, one time, or maybe write them again in some more poetic way, in a way that Javi deserved. 

So for now, he let his eyelids flutter as he nuzzled closer. A part of him didn’t want to fall asleep, not to waste the precious time between him and Javi, now that they were finally together. But he also knew that Javi was not going anywhere, and Yuzuru had no intention to run away anymore. 

He closed his eyes, and let himself fall into a dream. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
